miss_kae_oz: (Hypno)
The lesson of the day:

When a MUNI Meter Maid tells you to sign the citation and if you find the transfer and bring it to the court house and the citation will be dismissed, they are LYING. The "officer" showed up to court and said "I never would say such a thing. I don't have the authority". As [livejournal.com profile] velvetsiren, a very reliable person/source, can attest, she very well did say that very thing. Also, if they tell you signing the citation is not an act of agreement, but just acknowledgment of receiving it, that is also a lie.
But, even though I was technically found guilty, the very nice judge lady permanently suspended the fine. Thank god.
That is one less thing, and a $200 fine, I no longer have to worry about.

Also on a positive note, Kit's last paycheck finally went through automatic deposit and made it finally possible to pay April's rent. Woo hoo!


A small glimpse of light through the grey.
miss_kae_oz: (Fuck Sober)
Anxiety is getting the best of me today. I have an hour and a half to sit and eat before I have to turn around and head back to campus. Yet I still can't make myself calm down and my head focus. I am writing (texting, really) in my lj to help. Often when I write in lj it is to help calm and focus my head. It helps.
Yesterday, my day started with a conversation with a bill collector from the hospital. Not really the hospital exactly. The doctor from SF General. He has his own personal bill collecting agency. And they are ruthless. His name is Jim Duncan. Last time I had talked to him was a year ago when he yelled at me saying I was what was wrong with America and it was wrong of me to purchase what I can not afford. I yelled at him saying "It's not like a bought a big screen TV and am refusing to pay for it". When it came to the choice of possible death or debt, I chose debt. I have a strong feeling that if Mr. Jim Duncan (Duncun?) could, he would come reposses my health.
Well, Mr. Jim Duncan, you have succeeded. I have not been back to any doctor since and may never go again. I can not afford to be diagnosed with anything ever again.

Then, coincidently the same day, a trip to the Financial Aide office informed me the notice of approval on my student profile page was a type-O and, in fact, I will not be receiving the money I have been expecting. My reviewer said in a note that he is not happy with my academic progress and wants to see me go a few semesters with out it. When he knows damn well, as we discussed in out meeting, that:

After this semester, I will have too many attempted credits to qualify for financial aid.

My GPA has gone up every semester since I have come back to school a few years ago and I am not doing so bad as I am working my way up from a .08 I earned the first time I ended up in the hospital 10 years ago for kidney crap and didn't inform the school. (I was young and didn't know anything about admin red tape).

That I have not received FA the last 3 semesters.

I also have been having disturbing dreams. Not scary. Scary would be a relief from these dreams. I am not even going to start trying to describe them in detail. It wouldn't work. But they are frustrating,uncomfortable, icky, aggravating, and detailed.

Days like this I wish I had a doc. I feel as if I can not bear the day. I need to avoid drinking as this is super crunch time for all my school projects, so I can not go drink to release my anxiety and frustration.
I want to crawl in a hole for awhile. The only reason I am out of bed is the legitimate fear of things getting worse if I don't start the fixin' now. Right now. I woke up after 4 hours sleep and had to force myself to stay in bed, convincing myself that I can't make things better on no sleep before anything is open.

At least I seem to be breathing more regularly now. 1/2 hour left to just sit till I need to head back. Breath in - breath out, I am doing fine.

conundrum

May. 17th, 2007 03:21 pm
miss_kae_oz: (foamy christian)
As a lot of you know, Kit's dad was diagnosed with cancer last october with a very bad prognosis. He was originally only given to Christmas to live, and then given 6 months. Both those timetables have passed and he is thankfully still doing well for his condition, but is not by any stretch of the imagination recovered.
Needless to say, we want to go visit him as soon as humanly possible. Kit and I visited him when we found out in October. It was Kit's first time seeing his dad in 6 years. His dad was so doped up on meds, he does not remember us being there. We don't want to put the trip off just in case.

My dad was diagnosed with diabetes just over a year ago. He lost a lot of weight really fast, in the unhealthy fashion of the sick. He is tired all the time. Now he has a growth in his chest. Luckily it is not in his lungs, but it is on the inside of his ribs and getting bigger. In 1-2 weeks they are going to operate removing the lump and sections of the ribs it is attached to. Not a small procedure. He is already thin and weak, and this worries me.
Needless to say, I want to be there with him before he goes under and when he comes out. I want to be there for him AND my mommy.

Now, the problem... this would have been financially difficult before Kits shifts got cut at DNA. Before I found out about my dad's surgery, I was (and still am) planning on getting another job for the summer. But I don't even know how to go about applying for work when one already needs time off. Okay, this works for some office job positions, but not usually for highly coveted jobs like bartenders where work can't be scheduled or put off for a day. If they have to replace you for a week, they replace you for good, generally.
I need to figure out how to get money for the trip and how to pay rent when gone. I can't not just go.
Ug-itty ug ug.

noise

Apr. 21st, 2007 04:44 pm
miss_kae_oz: (go practice)
.

The ringing in my ears is getting progressively worse. It used to be that if the tv was on, I could no longer hear the range of fuzz and ringings in my ears. Now I hear it in the background of everything. Like standing in a room of humming and whirring machines.
I know I need to go invest in some major ear protection, but it just always seems like a big expense. But I just have to convince myself that just under $200 is worth the future of my aural health.
Its not like after years of working in nightclubs and bars I have acquired any health insurance. There will be no workers comp if I go eventually legally deaf or any way to pay for operations or hearing aids. $200 now will save so much later. I just got to find a way to make it happen.

.

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