miss_kae_oz: (Bat-perve)
Dear Lj land,

You know that that naughty bedside drawer most people have, or the little toy chest, or the satchel of goodies for overnight rendezvous? What item/s is/are essential for your secret sex kit? What do you hope is in your lovers?

This is for scientific purposes only, of course....
miss_kae_oz: (Fuck Sober)
Anxiety is getting the best of me today. I have an hour and a half to sit and eat before I have to turn around and head back to campus. Yet I still can't make myself calm down and my head focus. I am writing (texting, really) in my lj to help. Often when I write in lj it is to help calm and focus my head. It helps.
Yesterday, my day started with a conversation with a bill collector from the hospital. Not really the hospital exactly. The doctor from SF General. He has his own personal bill collecting agency. And they are ruthless. His name is Jim Duncan. Last time I had talked to him was a year ago when he yelled at me saying I was what was wrong with America and it was wrong of me to purchase what I can not afford. I yelled at him saying "It's not like a bought a big screen TV and am refusing to pay for it". When it came to the choice of possible death or debt, I chose debt. I have a strong feeling that if Mr. Jim Duncan (Duncun?) could, he would come reposses my health.
Well, Mr. Jim Duncan, you have succeeded. I have not been back to any doctor since and may never go again. I can not afford to be diagnosed with anything ever again.

Then, coincidently the same day, a trip to the Financial Aide office informed me the notice of approval on my student profile page was a type-O and, in fact, I will not be receiving the money I have been expecting. My reviewer said in a note that he is not happy with my academic progress and wants to see me go a few semesters with out it. When he knows damn well, as we discussed in out meeting, that:

After this semester, I will have too many attempted credits to qualify for financial aid.

My GPA has gone up every semester since I have come back to school a few years ago and I am not doing so bad as I am working my way up from a .08 I earned the first time I ended up in the hospital 10 years ago for kidney crap and didn't inform the school. (I was young and didn't know anything about admin red tape).

That I have not received FA the last 3 semesters.

I also have been having disturbing dreams. Not scary. Scary would be a relief from these dreams. I am not even going to start trying to describe them in detail. It wouldn't work. But they are frustrating,uncomfortable, icky, aggravating, and detailed.

Days like this I wish I had a doc. I feel as if I can not bear the day. I need to avoid drinking as this is super crunch time for all my school projects, so I can not go drink to release my anxiety and frustration.
I want to crawl in a hole for awhile. The only reason I am out of bed is the legitimate fear of things getting worse if I don't start the fixin' now. Right now. I woke up after 4 hours sleep and had to force myself to stay in bed, convincing myself that I can't make things better on no sleep before anything is open.

At least I seem to be breathing more regularly now. 1/2 hour left to just sit till I need to head back. Breath in - breath out, I am doing fine.
miss_kae_oz: (Default)
Why, why, oh why?!? Why do they think horrible movies made in the 70's are the thing to show in class? Yes it is a human sexuality class, but I can learn plenty without watching extremely hairy people grope clumsily at eachother, rubbing tight lipped mouths violently around eachother with occasional hard tongues lapping at eachothers faces, while the man gropes at the womans breasts as if they are trying to escape.
Or hairy women masturbating in a clinical setting while scientists shove speculum's, gloved hands, cameras, and rulers up her twat.
To make this worse is the awful tin-ny sound of 70's educational films and class full of young, inexperienced boys who now have looks on their faces as if someone had unexpectedly tried to take a swing at them.
I have never been so turned off of sex.
miss_kae_oz: (Frustration)
Instead of another long, detailed rant, I will just say

All I wanted was to get to the campus early, get a decent lunch, and study for todays test. Do you know how difficult it is to spread out notes and books and study at a MUNI stop for 35 minutes?
miss_kae_oz: (Fuck Off)
Dear God,
We can't even have a lecture on sexual anatomy without falling into comments and discussions on whether we can use the the word "Female" to describe the vaginal area without being culturaly insensitive, or even the word Vagina, as some females who identify as male refer to their pussy as a "cock".
So we have to spend half the class discussing how we can discuss what we are going to discuss.
We are talking about female reproductive organs here. Biology. Not gender. Not self identity slang.

I am over saturated with west coast political correctness in these classes. Quick, somebody tell me a dirty or sexist joke....

*edit - now we are discussing whether we should call the "G-spot" something else as it is named after a male doctor. But not, as the cute gay boy suggests, the "She Spot" as it is gender insensitive.
But we are having quite a lively discussion on whether the squiter open on the internet is real or faked.

Note for myself: check out book New View on Female Anatomy

Shake It

Feb. 25th, 2008 02:11 pm
miss_kae_oz: (dancing guy)

  I am missing class right now. Not for the booze related reasons one might assume of me. I am sure it has a little to do with the drinking, but the absence is entirely sinus related. I pressed above my right eye, and my whole head creaked loudly.

  Fortunately I have an ally in today's class. Mr. Zack B. I texted him asking if I was missing anything today, and he replied "Are you kidding?" Today's class is/was Human Sexuality, which is a sad and pathetic class on many levels. The students are disturbingly ignorant and as un-open minded about sexuality as a corn-fed bible thumping conservative republican (not that I have opinions). And the teachers.... are nice and well meaning.... Lets just say their approach to the class is everything we learn not to do when broaching the subject of a persons personal sexual experiences, lest they be traumatic, in my other classes. The information is basic. Really basic.

  Anyways, last nights b-day party foray was fun, and it got me thinking. The balance of girls getting naked for boys to boys getting naked for girls is way off. The only naked boy dancing I get in my life is at gay club nights or a goth night thrown in a normally gay bar. For my birthday, I am getting a stripper pole and I expect some naked boy booty shakin'. My b-day is not till September, so you guys have plenty of time to get your moves down. Extra points for anyone who can do pole tricks.

miss_kae_oz: (torso)
I am trying to keep a positive outlook on the world this semester, but it is difficult at times. After all, the names of my text books are:

I Never Called It Rape;        Robin Warshaw
Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart;         Paul Kivel
You Can Be Free: An Easy-to-Read Handbook for Abused Women;          Ginny NiCarthy

And a couple of texts on HIV and Safer Sex.

I try not to take school home with me, but, as I said, it is difficult sometimes. (So men, if I am glaring at you like you are evil scum, don't take it personal. I am just reflecting on the violence and repression you cause in our poor, female lives I am forced to face for 8 hours a day, 3 days a week **).

So, thank you [profile] velvetsiren  for your recent post.
 It amused me much. And I am printing it out for my teacher.

** - Don't worry, during those same hours, I am forced to face all the evil I inflict on the world by being part of the oppressive white majority, and yes, we do go over how women can be, and are abusive as well
miss_kae_oz: (Default)
I really like City College. I think it is an amazing idea that contributes immensly to the community on many levels.
This asside, sometimes...a lot of times it is trying to attend classes here. The fact that it is open enrollment can make it difficult to tolerate on some levels.
A couple classes required for my program are health classes with no pre-req's at all and am also taking one phys-ed. Because of this, I end up with people from all walks of life in my classes. ALL walks of life.
Teachers at CCSF are more socio-political than academic. And they love "the group dynamic" and are always having us work in pairs and groups. Which in theory, sounds great. But I seem to constantly get paired with the semi-retarded student. I don't mean that as a slur, I mean it quite literally. Students to whom it takes explaining that they are supposed to using their right arm and are instead using their left, and they do not have the ability to recognize which arm they are moving.
And in my groups, I get a lot of people who are in recovery from substance abuse problems (and quite a bit more with that) after long term use.I think it is great that CCSF has programs to help people get their lives on track after such a turn, but... These people are really in the very beginnings of a long process and I don't have any desire to be a part of their "process".
There are so many limitations and rules they want to implement to every situation, and they are still at the point where they can turn every subject into something to do with their addiction or therapy. And they still have a lot of their physical habits aquired through years of abuse.
Really, my grade is based on the quality of work of the group as a whole. I just don't think this is a fair situation when so paired. One teacher said we should get used to working in groups as it reflects dynamics of work situations. But in work situations, people have to apply for jobs, pass tests and screenings. And they do happen to hire a mentally disabled person, they don't base the rest of the staffs performance on the the disabled employee's abilities.
I am in class to learn, not be a teachers assistant to those who need extra time and attention, which is what it seems I spend a lot of my time being.


Mar. 5th, 2007 05:13 pm
miss_kae_oz: (Default)
I got my grades from my test on my bad day last week. 1 point away from an 'A'. Part of me is a little bit relieved I didn't botch it more that that, but I am also pissed I didn't get at least 1 more question right. Especially when I see the ones I got wrong in retrospect.
Must do much better in future.
miss_kae_oz: (Default)
Trying now to take a minute to calm down. It is odd how long it can take to recover from a hectic beginning.
I know I didn't get as much done before today as I should have, but I had my morning planned out so it should have been fine. Wake up early and head to school and spend about 20 minutes writing up my outline, then spend just over 2 hours studying for my big exam.
Wake up 9:30 - check. Get up and ready to leave the house by 10am - check. Grab fast pass and student ID....
My fast pass and ID are back to back in a little clear plastic thingy that I specifically remember setting on my shelf in it's usual place so I wouldn't have to search for it in the morning. It wasn't there. I searched everywhere, just in case I was misremembering. I went crazy looking for it. Finally, as it got to be after 10:30, I called Kit at work. "Did you happen to grab my fast pass and ID on your way out this morning?" "No, I don't... Wait, yes."
Which left me screwed. You can't use the word processing labs without your student ID. Now was I not only 45 minutes behind, I spent way too long rushing around the school trying to find a way to type up and print out the outline, which in itself is 20 points of the final project, due today, no lates accepted. I had to type it up on the library research computer, which I got yelled at for by a random librarian (Please to be yelling at the kids looking up cars and playing games on the appropriate computers in the future, k?)and email it to myself, then wait in line at the counselors office to print it on their computer.
After all was said and done, I had only 20 minutes to finish reviewing for my test, which was not enough. I couldn't remember which results were from the Kinsler study and if he used stratified sample groups or not. I couldn't remember the gender roles of the tribe of Margaret Mead's study (which my last anthro teacher would be deaply offended by if he knew).
When I sat to take my test, I had been so hurried and flustered trying to get it all done, I had a hard time reading the questions, just being calm enough to see all the words in each sentence. It took me too long to figure out what each question was asking, and there were subtleties in each one to trip you up. Like in questions in the differences of Social-learning theory and behavioral theory. If you don't notice the one part of the question that refers to the cognitive aspect, you will get it backwards.
I had to try to calm down and breath, so as not to get extra worked up and flustered. I probably should have worked in a Tea somewhere before the test. I couldn't keep LH and FSH hormones straight. Ug. I don't think I did so well.


miss_kae_oz: (Default)

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